Divorce planning includes many decisions you may not have anticipated. Some decisions aren’t included in a prenuptial agreement. This may include visitation arrangements for your children, property division, spousal support, and other things not covered in the prenup.

In years prior, when a couple decided to split, they both hired their own attorney and handed everything to them. Conflicts were handled by the attorneys, whether they developed before or after filing. Spouses frequently fought over these conflicts, leading to expensive litigation that left everyone with ill feelings.

One of the most unnerving aspects of a divorce is the expense. Litigation involves filing fees, court costs, attorneys’ fees and other expenses. When a couple can’t agree on how to end their marriage and make child custody arrangements, sparring between their attorneys can drive up costs. The more acrimonious a divorce becomes, the more expensive.

But more couples are discovering mediation to resolve the conflicts amicably to avoid pricey litigation. Even the most adversarial couples can be helped by a mediator who works for a win-win solution. This process can save both parties money as well as reduce the time it takes to finalize a divorce.

Even in an uncontested divorce, difficulties can arise. Whether it's childcare, property division, or other sticking points, you and your partner may continually argue about the same thing. You may be at the point where you're ready to take them to court and litigate everything.

This isn't necessary.

If you and your partner keep having the same discussions that go back and forth without any resolution, consider working with a third-party mediator. They can help you work through the things that are keeping you from finishing your divorce.

Many New Yorkers believe in the power of the “prenup,” or prenuptial agreement, formally known as an antenuptial agreement here. It’s researched and agreed to, then signed, to protect both parties against the unfortunate possibility of a divorce later on. (A post-nuptial agreement is the same thing but written after the date of a marriage.) A couple makes decisions with a clear head and in advance, not during an emotionally charged period when they are dissolving a partnership.

For the couple who endures the test of time, writing their wills as a part of an overall estate plan becomes an important task. A will offers guidance and direction for the surviving spouse and any children, and may also name a guardian if the children are minors.

You may have heard that a child can choose the parent with which they would like to live. It’s true, they can—when they turn 18. Many people believe that children can choose at a younger age, but that belief is nothing more than an urban myth.

Prior to age 18, New York children are subject to a custody order, and they have little or no say in the matter. Much depends on the circumstances of both parents, and the relationship the child has with both of them. The judge will hear what a child has to say on the matter, but it is not the sole determining factor.